What can family members do to encourage a good adjustment to life in a wheelchair after spinal cord injury?

Let them fall down and pick themselves back up. Do not rescue them from life. It’s so hard when you love someone to not rescue them. Never make your loved one a captive of care, they’re going have to run that the road alone, and they learn to problem-solve by picking themselves back up. And you can’t make the road all smooth for them. But you have to remember that the learning comes from the right to fail. They didn’t lose that right when they had a spinal cord injury. We all learn from that and that’s how we get through life. Somehow for folks with disabilities we want to rescue them from the pain. And the pain is what gives them the coping skills to get on with life.

I  think the most important thing is it to treat them like you treated them before they got injured. Don’t coddle them, don’t walk on eggshells, if you disagreed with something that they did before they got hurt, and it happens after they get hurt, disagree with them. I think a lot of times that’s one of the crucial aspects that family members—they think, “I’ve got to be real careful”—it’s like walking on eggshells. “I have to watch what I say, I don’t want to upset them because they’ve already had a hard enough time as it is.” We try to encourage family members to be normal—whatever that is—just try to go on with your life like it went on it before. There are some concessions that you will have to make, but it’s a little hiccup on the road. Figure out how to deal with it and move on. It’s not the end of the word, you just have to readjust some of the things you used to do, but that doesn’t mean you stop doing those things.

Continue to be there, call them on it when they’re being a jerk. You don’t get the right to be a jerk when you’ve had a spinal cord injury. Yes, you get the right to be angry and mad at the world, but you don’t get the right to do it all the time. None of us have the right to do that. We can have bad days, but just because you’ve broken your back or broken your neck, you don’t get to treat your caregiver like dirt. That’s not right. I think you need to call your loved ones on that and just say, “Sorry, I’m not dealing with you today if you’re going to be like that. I’ll deal with you when you more appropriate,” like you would your teenager.